SPEC
Supporting Parents Empowering Children
Anxiety • Frustration • Testing Limits • Power Struggles • Impulsivity • Defiance • Aggression
BEHAVIOR: Reactive to Proactive
Behaviors are all about trying to get something, escape something, avoid something and communicate something. Behaviors are real and should be treated as such because no child is waking up in the morning with a plan to make everyone’s life miserable. Understanding what causes children’s behaviors, enables us to change our own behaviors. Changing our own behavior is the most powerful tool we have for supporting our children. They need us, the adults in their life, to help them. It is time to change our behaviors from reactive to proactive.
A POSITIVE APPROACH TO NEGATIVE BEHAVIOR
Let’s take away the shame and negativity and replace it with positivity and encouragement. Children who struggle with self regulation, have a difficult time communicating their needs, problem solving, being flexible, and calming themselves down. Without coping skills, big reactions quickly emerge and then manifest behaviorally. When adults try to control children’s behaviors, the more resistant, fearful and anxious they become. We don't want to modify behavior, we want to help build adaptive skills.
As we stop to think and isolate each experience, we need to ask ourselves what might be causing the behavior and why. We need to tell our children and show them what to do as opposed to what not to do. It is only then that we can effectively help them.
Consequences do not teach skills, instead children may walk away feeling angered and misunderstood having no skill set to generalize for future success. Punishment instills shame, frustration and anxiety, which will ultimately manifest in negative behaviors. We want our children to internalize how to make good choices using effective tools.
Social Emotional
Support for Children
Providing Strategies
for Parents
Consulting Services
for Educators
“Claudia’s ability to reach into a child’s inner self and arm them with the skills they need to be successful is incredible...life-changing! Our family is thrilled.”
— Adriene Mulligan, Parent